I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
