cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
