Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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