She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
