Betty ford says i'm here all night
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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