If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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