the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
