dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
