I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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