So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
