Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sorry about my life...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
