I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
