I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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