I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
