I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
