My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
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You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize