I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
