new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
