when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
