none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
