it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
