I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
