yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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