DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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