one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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