Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
