I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
