I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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