Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
