Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
