I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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