I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
