i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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