perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
