I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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