dude i'm inner monologue high
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
