Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Green mimosas i think yes
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
