dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How's your threesome situation going?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?