I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize