Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
