hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
vagina is talking i cant
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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