I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
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8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
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I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?