What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .