u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Ketchup is God's man juice
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I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.