so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..