You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted