Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team