you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy