I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS