it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
