can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
