The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think your dad took our porno
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
