I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
