I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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