stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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