You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
