you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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