So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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