My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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