Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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