She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
