I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
