break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
