I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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