Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
