Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
