I must be too annoying 4 u.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
