update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous