he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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