My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.