i would punch a child for taco bell
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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