My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
