She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
