I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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