and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
