Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize