Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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