the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
